Woman Avoids Looking at Herself in Mirrors for a Year to Boost Self-Esteem

Kjerstin Gruys, a 29-year-old PhD student in sociology, has gone mirror-free for an entire year, avoiding her own reflection in order to boost her self-esteem and inspire others to stop focusing on their physical appearance.

Can you imagine not checking how you look for an entire year? Most women can’t go a day without looking in the mirror, whether to check how their clothes fit, or if their make-up looks good, but one ambitious young student managed to avoid looking at her reflection for a full year. If you think about it, it’s hard not looking at yourself, when you’re surrounded by mirrors and all kinds of shiny surfaces, but Kjerstin Gruys somehow made it work. For months, she covered the bathroom mirror so she could wash her face and brush her teeth without accidentally catching a glimpse of herself, she learned how to apply make-up by touch and not by sight, and she even learned to use her car’s mirrors so that she didn’t have to see her face in them. It was hard in the beginning, but she quickly adapted and says the experiment made her realize looks are really not as important as most people think.

Photo courtesy of Kjerstin Gruys

As a teenager, Kjerstin struggled with insecurities about her appearance and suffered from anorexia. She was obsessed with the way she looked and how much she weighed, and would restrict her food and liquid intake, which led to serious health issues. She developed kidney stones, the lack of body fat started affecting the density of her bones, and she found herself battling an eating disorder. After years of therapy, she overcame anorexia and began volunteering for About-Face, an organization that tries to help women with their physical appearance problems.

Gruys started her mirror-free project back in 2010, when she was preparing for her wedding with then fiancé Michael Ackermann. She had always dreamed of going wedding dress shopping, and in her mind the experience itself was like a dream come-true, only reality was much different. Trying on different dresses became a source of stress, and the young woman started being critical about her body again, and thinking about losing some weight before the wedding. She realized it was wrong, but she wasn’t afraid of relapsing into her eating disorder, but rather she felt like a hypocrite, thinking about how far she had come. Luckily, while reading a book called “Birth of Venus” she stumbled about a paragraph about nuns in Renaissance Italy and their restrictions against vanity. “They didn’t have mirrors in their lives. They were forbidden to look at each other when undressing. They were actually forbidden to look at themselves while they undressed,” Kjerstin remembers. “This idea of living your life experiencing the world for itself instead of constantly reflecting, you know, pun intended, on how you looked…. It was a life where you could get away from yourself.” This inspired her to start this project where she would get rid of mirrors so she could focus more on everything else in her life.

During the first month of the experiment, Kjerstin Gruys remembers there was a 50/50%  chance she would go out with mascara on her nose, but realized that didn’t affect her life very much. She learned to avoid all kinds of reflections and turned to her friends and her husband for shopping advice, instead of looking in the mirror. She would buy a bunch of clothes, try them on for her friends and rely on their opinions about which ones fir her best. She even avoided looking at herself on her wedding day, and says it was one of the easiest days to be mirror-free. “I’m getting my focus back to thinking about the real meaning of the day, which isn’t how I look but marrying the love of my life,” she said. Fittingly, she and Michael danced to a song called “I’ll be your mirror”.

 

On March 12, Kjerstin ended her year-long experiment and finally looked at her reflection in the mirror, surrounded by friends and family. “I had a little ambivalence, and at the same time, pleasure, because I was happy with what I saw,” she told ABC News. Gruys says the experience has helped her pay more attention to how she feels, rather than how she looks. “There is nothing wrong with enjoying, um, looking at yourself in the mirror, … but it’s important for every woman, and man, I think, to really think for a few minutes about whether there is a point of diminishing returns,” she said. “Because we have so much more to offer the world than just our looks.”

For more information about Kjerstin’s no-mirrors project, check out her blog – Mirror, Mirror… Off The Wall


   

Feedback (4 Comments)

  • John Smith Posted on August 21, 2012

    Self esteem comes from not-giving-a-crap what others think. If you care about the opinion of others you will always suffer. She seems to be an approval seeker, wearing makeup, asking for clothing advice, etc. She needs to stare fully into the mirror and accept what is there. The mirror trick is just avoidance of self.

  • Cat Posted on August 22, 2012

    Well, she is really pretty anyway. I’m confused to as how someone could go without looking in a mirror for a whole year though – not because of vanity – but because I encounter mirrors all the time when I’m not expecting them/ looking for them. This must have made her life kind of difficult.

  • Pearl Smithson Posted on August 23, 2012

    Wow that’s a total sacrifice! I can’t go out without looking myself at the mirror. I think its still depends but that’s hard work for her and she’s a lady. I just can’t seem to see anything wrong about her she’s beautiful. We are beautiful in one way or another, it only depends on how we look and see things positively. For me I still look at the mirror without loosing my self esteem. There might be times that we tend to see something wrong but I will always see it as an asset not the other way around.

  • Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta Posted on August 26, 2012

    Sounds like an insightful experiment. Good for her. She’s pretty and if it helped her, that’s wonderful.

    So many questions though …

    Sometimes health concerns require a mirror: like potential pink eye or looking to see if your throat is red when you seem to have a sore throat, or even trying to get a piece of food out of your tooth.

    What about blind people? They never see their reflections.

    Very interesting concept.