Engineer Creates ‘A.I. Jesus’ Trained Only on King James Bible

An artificial intelligence engineer has created an intriguing algorithm that learned human language from reading “the bible and nothing else” and is now churning out ominous prophecies based on the Holy Book.

George Davila Durendal, a childhood coding prodigy and current AI engineer and entrepreneur, recently unveiled his wackies creation yet, an A.I. algorithm trained solely on the King James Bible and dubbed “AI Jesus”. Described by Durendal himself as an “A.I. clone of Jesus”, the software is a Boltzmannian natural-language processing model that “tries to replicate the style of the King James Bible without quite copying it”. Designed to write about 3 different topics – ‘The Plague’, ‘Caesar’ and ‘The End of Days’ – using the language of the Bible, AI Jesus has so far come up with some pretty scary, if somewhat nonsensical, prophecies…

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People Are Now Praying to ‘Goddess Corona’ in Attempt to Stop Pandemic

India is one of the most affected countries by the Covid-19 pandemic, and people are turning to spiritual and divine powers in an attempt to protect themselves from the new coronavirus.

Last month, Indian media reported on a group of women from a village in West Bengal who had decided to fight the coronavirus in their own way – by worshiping Corona Mai, or ‘Corona Goddess’. They set up a small shrine on the banks of Chinnamasta pond, near Asansol city, and started singing songs and mantras, burning incense and bringing offerings like fruits, vegetables, ghee, and jaggery. The women said that they planned to worship and pray to the goddess until she takes away the coronavirus. That may take a while…

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Image of “Jesus Christ” Discovered in Cut Tree Branch Sparks Online Controversy

Photos of what many religious people are describing as a detailed representation of Jesus Christ discovered inside the branch of a recently-pruned willow tree have gone viral in Brazil.

Last Thursday, while pruning a willow tree in Itaquiraí, Brazil’s Mato Grosso do Sul, municipal maintenance workers noticed a strange pattern on the inside of a branch they had just cut with a chainsaw. After examining the pattern, some of them were convinced that it was a natural representation of Jesus Christ. Odimar Souza, a civil servant who was overseeing the pruning operation on Monte Castelo Avenue, in the Monte Castelo neighborhood, was intrigued by the discovery and took a piece of the branch home with him.

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Covid-19-Denying Priest Seizes Control of Russian Monastery with the Help of Armed Militia

Father Sergei Romanov, a controversial, ultra-conservative Russian priest, has taken control of the Sredneuralsk convent outside the city of Yekaterinburg and challenged authorities to force him out.

Romanov,  a former policeman who reportedly spent 13 years in a prison colony for murder before repenting and dedicating his life to religion, has been very vocal about the social distancing measures taken in Russia in the context of the Covid-19 pandemic, accusing church leaders of “working with the forerunners of the Antichrist” by closing churches. Because of his controversial rhetoric, the Russian Orthodox church suspended Romanov and prevented him from preaching, and in May he was forbidden to wear a cross, after he continued to encourage people to disobey public health orders. Last Tuesday, he entered the Sredneuralsk convent, which he helped found in the early 2000’s, and seized control with the help of several armed militiamen.

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Nigerian Pastor Claims It’s a Sin to Be a Tenant, Because Then You Have Two Lords

Pastor Charles Osazuwa, the general overseer of Rock of Ages Assembly Inc. in Nigeria, called upon his followers to build or buy their own homes, as having a landlord is tantamount to having another Lord but Christ.

During a controversial sermon that has been doing the rounds on social media over the last week, the Nigerian pastor told his congregation that being a tenant is technically a sin. He said that the first advice he always gives someone who has a job is to buy their own house, so they can liberate themselves from their landlord. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate or luxurious place, especially if it’s their first house, but as Christians they should not have two Lords…

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In Full Pandemic, Thousands Gather to Hear Prophet Say God Will Cleanse World of Coronavirus

Last weekend, as most parts of the world enforced extreme social distancing measures to slow the spread of the novel coronavirus, a crowd of thousands gathered in the Dominican city of Puerto Plata to listen to a popular “pilgrim” prophesize that God will rid the country and the whole world of this pandemic.

In flagrant breach of the social distancing measures imposed by the Dominican Government, a crowd of thousands of people accompanied pilgrim Mildomio Adames to a local square where the self-proclaimed holy man revealed that he had had a divine revelation. Adames told the excited crowd that he had to dump a large wooden crucifix into the sea to make God end the Covid-19 pandemic.

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Hindu Man Allegedly Cuts Off Own Tongue to Stop the Spread of Coronavirus Pandemic

A 24-year-old Indian man was recently hospitalized after he allegedly cut off his tongue as an offering to the Hindu goddess Kali Mata, to stop the spread of the coronavirus pandemic.

From putting quarantine offenders in haunted houses to people locking spouses in the bathroom, we’ve seen people do some pretty extreme things to stop the spread of the Covid-19 pandemic, but Vivek Sharma, a young stone sculptor working in Suigam, India’s Gujarat state, takes the cake. Frustrated about not being able to return to his home town in Madhya Pradesh, because of nationwide lockdowns, Sharma reportedly chopped off his own tongue at a temple, as an offering to Hindu goddess Kali Mata, to stop the spread of the virus. So far his sacrifice has proven to be in vain…

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The Shady Japanese Religion That Offers Spiritual Covid-19 Cures

If you thought America was the only country where a bogus religion like Scientology could thrive, you were wrong. Japan has its own version, it’s called Happy Science, and it apparently offers spiritual Covid-19 cures, for a fee, of course.

Happy Science is the creation of a Wall Street trader turned spiritual leader named Ryuho Okawa, who during the 1990s came to believe that he was in contact with religious figures like Buddha and Jesus. They apparently told Okawa that like them and others throughout human history, he was the reincarnation of a creator god from Venus named El Cantare and had been chosen to save the world from ruin. He wrote a couple of popular books on metaphysical subjects, entitled  “The Terrifying Revelations of Nostradamus” and “The Great Warnings of Allah,” and before he knew it, the former trader had a sizeable following.

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Argentinian Pastor Slammed for Allegedly Selling “Blessed Antibacterial Gel” for Use Against Coronavirus

Héctor Aníbal Gimenez, better known as “Pastor Gimenez” in Argentina, was recently accused of trying to profit off of the global coronavirus pandemic by trying to sell “Blessed antibacterial gel” to his followers.

The Argentine evangelical pastor was denounced last Wednesday before prosecutor Matías Michienzi by a lawyer who said that the antibacterial gel was being offered at the Temple of Waves of Love and Peace, located in the Buenos Aires neighborhood of Almagro. The complaint mentioned that the bottles of of gel were also sold on the church’s Facebook page where they were being promoted as blessed by Pastor Gimenez to provide protection against the novel coronavirus.

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We’re Saved! Nigerian Pastor Wows to Travel to China to Destroy Coronavirus

As medical professional are apparently taking too long to find a cure to the highly contagious Covid-19 virus, a Nigerian pastor has decided to take matter into his own hands – during a recent sermon he has vowed to travel to China to “prophetically destroy” the virus at the root of the epidemic.

Pastor David Elijah of the Glorious Mount of Possibility Church in Lagos recently got a lot of attention on African social media, after a short clip of him preaching to his congregation and promising to travel to China and destroy the new type of coronavirus went viral. In the video, Elijah can be heard saying that he is going to Wuhan “to deal with the coronavirus” that has killed so many people and affected the business and travel plans of millions around the world.

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Megachurch and Family of 2-year-Old Girl Who Died Suddenly Try To Bring Her Back to Life Through Prayer

Following the tragic death of their young daughter, a California family has asked members of their church, the Bethel Church in Redding, California, to help them attempt a miraculous resurrection through prayer, singing and praise.

Early on Friday, 2-year-old Olive Alayne Heiligenthal stopped breathing in her sleep, and despite the best efforts of paramedics, who arrived on the scene after the girl’s parents called 911, she could not be resuscitated. Her body was taken to the Shasta County Coroner’s Office, but her parents refuse to believe that their daughters time on this Earth has truly come to an end, and have appealed to their church to attempt a resurrection through prayer. Andrew and Kalley Heiligenthal, both of whom are members of the Bethel Church in Redding, hope that through mass prayer, music and praise, Olive can be revived.

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Russian Television Launches Reality Show Centred Around Life at Secluded Monastery

In a time when reality TV is pretty much synonymous with the Kardashian name, launching a reality show centered around life at a secluded orthodox monastery hardly sounds like a winning idea, but one Russian TV channel is going ahead with the project anyway.

A television channel entirely owned by a religious organization affiliated with the Russian Orthodox Church is currently busy filming a reality show with a spiritual twist. Named “Island”, the original program will take place at a secluded monastery located on a lake between Moscow and St. Petersburg. There, the 10 chosen participants will embrace the monastic lifestyle, taking part in activities like cleaning the monastery grounds, making candles, preparing foods and meeting with priests, as they try to find the answers to questions that have long been troubling them.

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Controversial Video Game Puts Players in the Shoes of Jesus Christ

An upcoming video game has been raising eyebrows due to its unusual premise – putting players in the shoes of Jesus Christ and having them perform biblical feats like multiplying fish, healing others and calming stormy seas.

Aptly named “I Am Jesus Christ” the upcoming video game from developer PlayWay is a realistic simulator game inspired by stories from the New Testament, from His baptizing in the Jordan River, to His resurrection after being nailed to the cross. In a recently revealed trailer we see Jesus healing a blind woman (Matthew 21:14), producing fish out of thin air for a hungry fisherman (John 6:35), and walking on water to save a ship caught in a storm (Mark 4:41). All these feats apparently deplete a bar that apparently correlates to Jesus’ holy abilities.

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Vatican Launches Smart ‘eRosary’ That Brings Religion and Tech Together

The “Click to Pray eRosary” is a smart gadget shaped like a regular rosary and designed to educate young, technology-focused youths how to pray the rosary.

The smart eRosary can be worn as a bracelet and is activated by making the sign of the cross. It comes with a companion smartphone app which synchronizes with the gadget and allows access to an audio guide, exclusive images, personalized content, and also tracks the user’s progress. According to the Vatican website, the eRosary is designed “to help young people pray the Rosary for peace and to contemplate the Gospel”.

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Priests Drop Holy Water Over City to Cure It of “Drunkenness and Fornication”

Orthodox priests in Russia’s Tver Oblast region, literally reached new heights in their quest to save their congregations from addictive sins like drinking and fornicating. They got in an airplane and doused the whole city of Tver in holy water, in order to cleanse it.

Metropolitan Savva of Tver and Kashinsky, Father Alexander Goryachev and two other members of the Russian Orthodox Church performed the bizarre aerial blessing last Wednesday, in honor of All-Russian Sobriety Day. They boarded a small plane and brought with them 70 liters of holy water and two icons – the “Inexhaustible Chalice,” said to be able to cure people of alcohol and drug addiction, and one of John the Baptist. A married a couple that claimed the husband had been miraculously cured of alcohol addiction in the past was also present aboard the airplane.

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