No, this is not a joke, it’s not fake, Chinese hospitals really are using automatic sperm extractors for the most serious medical purposes. Still, I thought this was weird enough to post an article on.
So, an entry about automatic sperm extractors being introduced in a Nanjing hospital recently went viral on China’s Weibo social platform. It contained some photos of the unusual machine, and a brief description of its functions. Apparently, the “massage pipe” in front of the device can be adjusted according to the height of its user, and the speed, frequency, amplitude and temperature at which it operates can also be set according to personal preference. When turned on, the screen of the extractor starts playing movies with surround sound to get the user in the right mood. The entry also said “now you can make that money standing up”, referring to the usage of the extractor for sperm bank donations, but the director of the urology department at Zhengzhou Central Hospital was quick to dismiss this rumor. Apparently, the machine is only used by infertility patients who are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way.
Zhu said: “Perhaps netizens misunderstood the usage of the machine, and thought it was used for sperm donation. In fact, sperm banks have very high standards; donors must go through strict medical examination and they will definitely not use a sperm extractor.” The machine requires patients to wear a condom, which in many cases affect the quality of the semen, because of the spermicide they contain. Still, the extractor is reportedly very popular at the Zhengzhou Central Hospital, with an average of between 20 and 30 patients using it every day.
I did a quick search on “automatic sperm extractor” and it appears multiple models are already available for sale on Chinese e-commerce site Alibaba. Order yours today!
I know I brought this on myself, but please try to keep vulgar comments to a minimum. Witty ones are welcome though.