Prepare to Be Owned as Japanese Man Auctions Off Planet Earth

We see crazy and bizarre items auctioned off on sites like eBay or Yahoo Auctions, every day, but this is the first time someone actually thought about selling our planet. The starting price was a measly ¥69 ($0.86), but since the auction went viral, the price has surged to ¥9,889,899,888 ($123,000,000). I still think it’s a bargain.

I know, this might seem like a joke to you, but it’s apparently no laughing matter to the seller. In the product description, it’s mentioned the Earth was bestowed upon the seller by God, who appeared to him in a dream. And since these are tough times, he decided to sell it to the highest bidder and improve his financial status. He lists our planet as “authentic” and warns bidders there is a “no return” policy on the item. So if you end up placing a bid and wind up owning the Earth and its inhabitants, you’re kind of stuck with us. You might feel tempted to post a prank bid on this, but the seller instructs all potential buyers to include a message expressing there serious intention to buy planet Earth, otherwise he will consider it a prank bid. And if there are too many prank bids he threatens to close the auction and start over at ¥69. In fact, he already did that once already, so please, be careful.

Here is part of the Q & A section on the auction for The Earth, on Yahoo Auctions, courtesy of RocketNews24:

Q: “I love cigars. Is it possible to sell off just Cuba as a special package item?”
A: “Thank you for your question! After placing the winning bid, I think Havana can be moved to Saitama, Japan. Thank you for your interest.”

Q: “Is it possible to ship this via Altair? Thank you for your time.”
A: “Thank you for your question! Because it would take 17 light years just for the bank transaction to complete, I think you should forget shipping. Thank you for your interest.”

Q: “I’m curious why there’s no photo of the item’s backside. Are there any countries recklessly wasting resources or waging wars that we should know about?”
A: “Thank you for your question! Unfortunately there are many countries doing that.  God is also quite upset about it. After a successful bid, I think I can talk to someone about crushing those countries like worms. Thank you for your interest.”

Q: “Hello.  This is a really interesting item! If I buy the Earth will I become a god?
A: Thank you for your question! This item can’t make you a god. Are you alright in the head? Thank you for your interest.”

Two years ago, we had a Spanish woman who claimed she owned the Sun and wanted to collect taxes on it, so I see no reason why this man can’t do the same with our planet. Still, with a possible apocalypse just around the corner, according to the Mayan calendar, is such an investment really worth it? You’d be better off investing in an Armageddon-proof survival pod. Just in case you’re interested, you have until Nobember 6 to place a bid.

Posted in Funny, News        Tags: , , ,

Feedback (3 Comments)

  • Kang and Kodos Posted on November 2, 2012

    The planet Earth is second hand and contaminated with human meat parasites. We rather own a piece of Uranus. We are already there probing and sniffing around.

  • Lee Posted on November 5, 2012

    “it would take 17 light years just for the bank transaction to complete”

    I hope people realize that a light year is a measure of distance, not a measure of time. That would be like saying something would take 50 miles to complete when what they mean is it would take the time it would take to travel 50 miles at maximum speed to complete.

    I did some calculations and came up with this. The fastest man-made object in space was Helios 2, which traveled at around 150,000 Miles/Hour (after a sling-shot around Jupiter from what I understand). A light year is approximately 5,878,499,810,000 (almost 6 trillion) miles. At 150,000 Miles/Hour, to travel 17 light years would take approximately 76001 years, 152 days, 10 hours, 28 minutes.

    Now of course, if the entire bank transaction transpired electronically, assuming the electromagnetic waves traveled steadily at the speed of light (approximately 186,282 Miles/Second), it would take approximately 17 years, 3 hours, 8 minutes for the signal to travel 17 light years.

    Assuming the bank transaction required a receipt to be returned to the buyer in order to be considered “complete”, double the final times.

  • Lee Posted on November 5, 2012

    I just realized my mistake. I relied completely on calculations. Obviously, if the electromagnetic waves traveled steadily at the speed of light, it would take 17 years exactly for them to travel 17 light years, since a light year is the distance that light (electromagnetic waves) can travel at the “speed of light”. Blinded by the math and the “approximate” quality of my speed of light constant (~186,282 MPS). 🙂